Parker Colorado Therapy and Counseling

Dating a highly sensitive person

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Having a highly sensitive partner is a rare gift, but if you know how to make them feel at home with you. Here are some useful ways to help your partner become more open and understood by you.

1. Be patient for their response.

Highly sensitive people have vibrant inner worlds with many thoughts going on in their mind.  When you are waiting for a decision from them, do your best to be patient. Their minds are busy, and they may need some time than most.

2. Give them space for quiet time, alone time, or less stimulating time.

Assure your highly sensitive partner that you would be happy to prioritize their sensitivity.

You can soothe your stressed partner after a busy week by asking whether they want to meditate or go to bed early. Let them know that you understand their needs and that you want to share their unique world experience. If a highly sensitive person feels and hopes that they are safe with you, they let you into their soul’s richness and beauty.

3. Redecorate your home in a calmer way.

You can redecorate your home environment for your partner, knowing that your environment can easily overwhelm your partner. Put pillows and blankets draped gently on sofas and beds. Install dimmer switches for your lights. If you can, invest in soundproofing your walls if you live in a boisterous neighborhood or have loud neighbors.

The less stimulating the environment is, the better your partner feels. They can let down their guard and be there with you.

4. Be with them for when they feel overstimulated.

In some situations, your very sensitive partner may become over-stimulated to the point that verbal communication is difficult.

You and your partner can work together to create a signal, which may be massively beneficial. It might be a secret sign of peace, or your partner puts their hands on their ears. Whichever signal you choose, make sure that it makes sense to the both of you and that the signal is accepted when it is used.

You can also be present with them in a quiet room during a noisy party or even leave early when they become tired and overwhelmed.

Because HSPs don’t feel like they fit in the real world (due to modern life not being welcoming to the highly sensitive), you become much more appreciated in your efforts to better understand and respect them.

Highly Sensitive Persons Colorado Therapy

What It Means to be a Highly Sensitive Person

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Are you or do you know someone who is highly sensitive? High sensitivity can be characterized as an immediate response to external (social, environmental) or inner (intrapersonal) stimuli, physically, mentally and emotionally. An introvert, an extrovert or somewhere in between may be a highly sensitive person.

Fifteen to twenty percent of the population are highly sensitive and process stimuli profoundly from sight to sound to emotion. The HSP responsiveness to sensory processing means that reality is “changed” more than other experiences. The nervous systems are no less sensitive than introversion, depression, anxiety or even autism, and process information more deeply because of a biological difference.

Signs of a Highly Sensitive Person

So, what’s it like to be an HSP? While many people may occasionally experience some of these signs, a highly sensitive person is likely to “feel too much” and “feel too deep.”

  • They feel things profoundly and observe people well but may shield their feelings from others because they have learned to withdraw into ourselves. They struggle with sleep and anxiety, and they may feel angry or upset about social injustice in society.
  • In group situations, such as work meetings or parties, we can feel overwhelmed because of the number of stimuli, including loud noises and strong scents. This does not mean that relationships are not respected.
  •  If they watch or read negative media content, they may get upset. They hate programming with “shock” value (i.e. shows that are extremely frightening or violent). They feel unhappy after reading social media posts.
  • They may seek reassurance when they start new relationships, such as friendships or romantic partnerships, because they are hypersensitive to any perceived signs of rejection.
  •  On the other hand, they talk about negative emotions because of the amount of “drama” in their lives. They find it hard to accept feedback, even if it is offered in a fair and constructive manner. They feel like people will judge them, no matter what, despite a lack of strong evidence otherwise.

Although a highly sensitive person has many positive qualities, others can be overstimulated with more signs in the list.

For many sensitive people, emotional and sensory immunity techniques can be used to soothe and relieve overstimulation to control oversensitivity. Efficient communication skills are required to cultivate positive and constructive relationships for those who live or work with extremely sensitive individuals.

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3 Ways to Challenge Your Thinking to Reduce Anxiety

3 Ways to Challenge Your Thinking to Reduce Anxiety

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Anyone who has felt anxiety will know how terrible it is when you begin to panic and become the only thing you can focus on. Once you get into an anxious mindset, a whole wave of anxiety, fear, and lots of physical symptoms goes through your body.

1.       Accept your anxiety

Anxiety, like all other feelings, is just a feeling. You can start accepting anxiety by reminding yourself that it is an emotional reaction. Acceptance is important because it is often compounded by the attempt to fight or suppress anxiety. This perpetuates the debilitating dread of anxiety. But to accept your fear is not to like it or to condemn yourself to a wretched life. It only means you’d accept reality as it is–and reality includes anxiety in that moment. It is less than desirable to experience anxiety, but it is not unbearable. It helps to eliminate embarrassment, shame, anxiety, and obligation for trying to fix or judge yourself.

2.       Question your thoughts.

If people are anxious, their brains begin to come up with all kinds of unrealistic thoughts, many of which are highly unlikely and doubtful. These thoughts only increase the already anxious state of a person.

For example, your employer would ask you to give a presentation at a work event. Thoughts like “Oh my God, this is not something I can do. It’s going to kill me, ” could run through your brain. Know this isn’t a tragedy. In fact, no one died giving a presentation. The worst thing that will happen is that some people will get a few chuckles and that they will have forgotten about your presentation by tomorrow.

Ask yourself these questions when challenging your thoughts:

  •  What’s the evidence that the thought is true? That it’s not true?
  • Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?
  •  What’s the probability that what I’m scared of will actually happen? If the probability is low, what are some more likely outcomes?
  •  Is the thought helpful? How will worrying about it help me and how will it hurt me?
  • What would I say to a friend who had this worry?

3.   Use a calming visualization.

Practice the following meditation on a regular basis, which will make access easier if you are anxious.

Imagine yourself in a favorite park, beach on or outside on the riverside. Observe leaves passing by the river or clouds floating through the sky. Place your fears, thoughts and feelings in your clouds and leaves and watch them flow through.

This differs greatly from what people usually do. In general, we assign certain qualities such as good or bad, right or wrong, to emotions, thoughts and physical sensations. It also exacerbates anxiety. Always remember this is only information.

Wait, relax and note what’s going on now. Even if something serious happens, concentrating on the current situation will improve your management skills. Although you’re anxious, you can live your life, and you’re going to get things done. Get busy with life.

3 Mindfulness Benefits for Anxiety

3 Mindfulness Benefits for Anxiety

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You may have heard or read that meditation aids with anxiety. Most people misunderstand that meditation is not like a magic elixir that reduces their stress and anxiety effortlessly. Yet meditation’s primary purpose is not to dissolve anxiety.

According to a recent review, regular practice in mindfulness will help you relax your mind and move past negative emotions. A study in 2013 showed that mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) was associated with significantly greater anxiety reduction and improved positive self-statements. In fact, a meta-analysis in 2012 suggested strong support for anxiety sensitivity meditation. A 2015 report in The Lancet indicated that incorporating a tapering off of treatment with MBCT is as effective as consistent prescription dosages.

1.       Focus on the present

The primary purpose of meditation is to help you become more present now. The anxiety reduction is just a satisfying side effect. We are often nervous because we are focused on the past or the future. However, you become deliberately focused on the here and now when you’re meditating.

2.       Quiet overactive thoughts

Sometimes it feels as though the mind is on constant overdrive for someone with anxiety— thoughts are scattered but not getting anywhere. We are anxious because we give into our thoughts and feelings. We take them and get confused at face value. Yet this undivided focus is not justified by our feelings.

Meditation helps us to avoid overactive thoughts and feelings, helping us to silence the mind, relax our bodies, and gain some clarity.

3. Cultivate an attitude of nonjudgmental acceptance

The aim is not to get to a point where your life is trouble-free — this is not realistic — but rather to be able to acknowledge the presence of these problems without overvaluing them. You can empower and support your meditation practice by being mindful. Just as a well-tended garden grows flowers and trees, mindfulness will help nurture all attitudes of mindfulness. A famous Shakespeare’s quote from Hamlet encapsulates this: “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

Patience and dedication are the keys to meditation. Meditation requires patience because it takes commitment and when so many things fight for your time, it’s easy to quit.

Although meditation is not a cure-all for anxiety, it is still extremely helpful. Eventually, meditation helps one slow down, gain perspective, and think more critically, with less reactivity. Thus, we can become less anxious in our lives.

5 Self-Care Tips When Living with Anxiety

5 Ways to Reduce Anxiety

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Approximately 20% of people in the United States have some form of anxiety disorder, making it the most common in the country. So many people are worried, and it can be hard to turn off from a connected world where we document and post everything online. When you want to get away from the world, you need to take care of yourself first using these five strategies.

1.      Exercise

A consistent exercise routine not only offers health and wellness benefits but also helps treat anxiety. There is evidence that aerobic exercise (dancing, walking, swimming) can reduce anxiety and improve your daily and ongoing anxiety.

When you change your habits so that you are rewarded with more energy, better memory, better mood, and even a better immune system.

2.      Use your creative skills.

Research has shown that artsy DIY creations can help your mental health. Spend time making a beautiful object can be used, worn or offered as a gift. This allows you to develop your confidence, to feel valuable, and to improve your skills. Let your creative powers run wild to create a safe space and take a break from the rest of the world, be it through knitting, weaving, drawing, sculpture, or anything else.

3.      Take part in a meditation session

A meditation session can affect your sense of calmness, trust, and gratitude even more profoundly. If you light a candle and play relaxing music, a mindful meditation becomes a soul-friendly ritual. Find positive words to help the mind get rid of everyday stress and experience a daily dose of calm.

4.      Enjoy nature

The influence of nature on our wellbeing is often misunderstood, and too many of us are used to urban lifestyles. When you feel your life has become too stressful, take a walk to the woods and see the trees. Greenery in your home can also help to make your mind feel at ease. Going outside helps to “shut off” your brain parts that cause negative thinking and aggravating depression.

5.      Make your own self-care routine

Do you find the self-care trend on social media overwhelming and almost too perfect? One of the best ways to take care of yourself is to see a therapist and work together to come up with a custom self-care plan. Self-care doesn’t have to look like face masks and bubble baths. You can take care of your mental well-being by watching TV or making yourself hot chocolate. The physical and mental well-being of your body by creating joy and satisfaction is an important part of life with or without conforming to what self-care should look like online.

Anxiety management is a lifelong process. By improving your relationship with yourself by maintaining your physical and mental health, you will become more resilient and able to survive difficult times and enjoy the good times. 

Dating with Anxiety: 3 Ways to Cope

Dating with Anxiety: 3 Ways to Cope

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If you are anxious, it can seem almost impossible to pass a date. Many people completely ignore the dating scene. For those who have the confidence to want a new relationship, the date may be so tainted with many worries or panic attacks.

However, there are ways to deal with fear and meet people who are worthwhile. Below are three ways to successfully manage your worries and have fun.

Learn How to Push Yourself Out of Your Comfort Zone

To manage anxiety, there’s the approach of the idea of exposure: the more you deal with stressful situations, the more resilient you become to handle them. If dating sounds especially worrying, start slow by choosing places to practice small talk. Think of a few conversation topics – music, culture, sports games, local events, and world news – that can be helpful. This will help you better connect with your date because current events impact almost everybody.

Keep Dates Short and Sweet

You should concentrate on and empower yourself to get through with some nervous energy. Seek to see your date with a healthy sense of stress. The important thing is to keep the date brief so you’re not stuck for long.

Set up a date that lasts a few hours and meet in a common location— for example your favorite cafe or a nearby restaurant with a familiar menu.

Shift Your Mental State

Anxiety causes stress because we see it as an issue instinctually, nothing more. It’s easy to get nervous about how your date will view you. After your date, you might feel tempted to replay the uncomfortable moments or awkward silences in your head but avoid the temptation.

Focus instead on whether this individual is right for you. Instead of beating yourself up or concentrating on the awkward moments during the date, remember the instances of laughter and good talk: Were you funny? Did you compliment your date or vice versa? Keep thinking about any common interests and values you discussed during your date, the chemistry between the two of you, and if you want to see the other person again or not.

That can take a great deal of pressure from the date, because you are playing an active part in this process instead of hoping for approval or not. Any experience with dating should be seen as a positive lesson. You have been hopeful in your dating journey, and the next date will be even better. Your therapist can help you navigate your dating experience and help you see ways to improve them.

5 Ways You Can Support a Loved One with Anxiety

5 Ways You Can Support a Loved One with Anxiety

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To watch a loved one suffering from anxiety is hard to witness, and it is more difficult when you are worried about it. Your loved one may feel too ashamed to avoid acting or acting in ways that your own anxiety is inconsiderate or that. This could look like your partner who puts off important tasks or conversations all the time or a best friend who feels lonely after divorce but still to go on dates.

While seeing these people suffer is debilitating and upsetting, you can do some things to help your loved one.

1.Understand how anxiety works

We are wired to respond to anxiety through fight, flight, or freeze because of evolution. One of these solutions usually dominates for different people. Once you know that anxiety is a natural response for us in a state of risk, it’s easier to understand and to have empathy for someone who feels scared (or stressed). You will understand their habits and be in a better position to help by paying attention to how anxiety develops in the person you care for.

2. Ask how you can best support them

Research shows that people with an avoidant attachment style (generally those who have had previous caretaker rejections or relationships) will probably best respond to strong displays of pragmatic support. Many people would prefer emotional support, particularly those who have a secure or preoccupied attachment because of fear of abandonment or of the overwhelming emotions they have for others. It’s best to ask someone what kind of help they want instead of guessing! 

3. Support someone who wants to change their anxiety

While you can learn more about anxiety through a therapy session or reading more about different models of anxiety, you can also use a cognitive-behavioral strategy for anxious people.

People with anxiety tend to think of worst-case scenarios. You can ask them to answer three questions: 

  • What is the worst thing that could happen?
  • What could be the best thing?
  • What is most likely or most probable?

So if your loved one is anxious to hear from a high-stakes job interview a few days ago but doesn’t, you can suggest he or she takes into consideration some of the worst, best, and most probable reasons for the lack of contact.

4. Give support but only encourage

We may often feel taken out by doing things to our obvious loved ones and feeding them unintentionally when they want to avoid situations or things that make them anxious. Encourage them to step out of their comfort zone by offering to go with them to therapy if they choose and make an appointment with a therapist, for example. One key principle to keep in mind is that people need to help themselves, not do things for themselves. 

5. If they have more severe anxiety, reassure them

What if your loved one has anxiety from a more severe condition such as PTSD or panic disorder? You can offer support by reassuring them that you care for them, no matter what they’re going through, and helping them stay connected to their true selves with hobbies or interests.

There are several ways to help people with anxiety. Select one or two appealing ideas that you and your loved one find manageable. Be ready for exploration. Remember you’re doing your best to support your loved one.

colorado anxiety depression counseling self doubt

A story about self-doubt

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I would like to share a short story about a fictional person named Sally. One day, Sally has a rough day and hits an emotional roadblock. It sparked a conversation with a friend about some barriers with her boss. A slew of negative thoughts crept in whispering, “You are lazy. You are going to fail at this. You need to be managed like a child”. She notices these thoughts and immediately voiced them aloud to her friend, who of course, refuted everything. She wanted to believe his encouragement and kindness, but her own words had already become a stronghold. Discouragement and a deep sadness flooded in.

The next morning, Sally woke to the heaviness of apathy and disappointment. The words continued to be difficult to shake off. She knew her internal dialogue was not only unfair and unkind but also counterproductive to where she needed to be. Throughout the rest of the day, Sally was mindful of the pain, and reframed her thoughts to be gentle and compassionate: “You’re feeling pretty disappointed right now about not reaching some of your goals. You wish you had more follow through. It’s okay that you’ve been feeling stuck.” Something shifted the moment she tapped into some self-compassion. By the end of the day, the heaviness was gone and a newfound determination kicked in.


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Our inner dialogue reflects our deepest vulnerability. It holds so much power over how we view and treat ourselves, and how we are able to engage with the world. In my work as a therapist, it’s common for me to hear statements such as “I’m so stupid”, “I’m useless”, “I am the biggest failure in the world”, “I don’t deserve anything good to happen to me”.

These words are deeply painful and defeating. We would never say these statements to anyone we care about, even to strangers, but allow this to be a familiar repertoire of self-talk. What this reveals is that we are often harsher and more cruel to ourselves than we are to anyone else. Some view this negative self-talk as a motivator to improve or change, whereas others become attuned to the vicious internal cycle that deepens symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Don’t let self doubt create anxiety, depression, fear, and uncertainty. Talk to a professional counselor to learn how to get past defeating thoughts and feelings.

Can my marriage be saved?

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You may ask “Can my marriage be saved?” or “Should stay married?” While these are complicated questions, Marriage counseling is hard work and there are no guarantees. However, spending the time to find out if your marriage can be improved is a smart decision.

Truth be told, the effectiveness of marriage counseling is directly related to the motivation level of both partners and timing. For some couples, marriage counseling is really divorce counseling because they’ve already thrown in the towel. For instance, one or both partners may have already decided to end the marriage and he/she uses the counseling as a way to announce this to their partner. Sometimes, the problems in a marriage can be too ingrained and longstanding for the counseling to be effective. For others, they don’t honestly share their concerns with the therapist.

Timing is an essential element in whether marriage counseling works. Unfortunately, most couples wait much too long to reach out for help repairing their marriage. According to relationship and marriage expert Dr. John Gottman, couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help. Think about this statistic for a few minutes. Couples have six years to build up resentment before they begin the important work of learning to resolve differences in effective ways.

It’s critical that couples see conflict as an inevitable part of a committed, romantic relationship. After all, every relationship has its ups and downs, and conflict goes with the territory. Yet couples might avoid conflict because it may have signified the end of their parents’ marriage or led to bitter disputes. Michele Weiner Davis, author of The Divorce Remedy explains that avoiding conflict backfires in intimate relationships. She posits that bottling up negative thoughts and feelings doesn’t give your partner a chance to change their behavior. On the other hand, Weiner cautions that one of the secrets of a good marriage or romantic relationship is learning to choose battles wisely and to distinguish between petty issues and important ones.

Here are a few tips that can help you find your answers.

7 tips to help deal with differences between you and your partner:

  • Create a relaxed atmosphere and spend time with your partner on a regular basis so you can communicate about your desires and objectives.
  • Don’t give up personal goals and the things you love to do such as hobbies or interests. This will only breed resentment.
  • Support one another’s passions. Accept that you won’t always share the same interests. Respect your partner’s need for space if they want to go on a vacation without you, etc.
  • Learn to resolve conflicts skillfully. Don’t put aside resentments that can destroy a relationship. Couples who try to avoid conflict are at risk of developing stagnant relationships, which can put them at high risk for divorce.
  • Establish an open-ended dialogue. Listen to your partner’s requests and ask for clarification on points that are unclear. Avoid threats and saying things you’ll regret later.
  • Avoid the “blame game.” Take responsibility for your part in the problems and accept that all human beings are flawed in some way. The next time you feel upset with your partner, check out what’s going on inside yourself and pause and reflect before you place the blame on them.
  • Be realistic about a timeline for change. It takes more than a few sessions to shed light on the dynamics and to begin the process of change.

How can marriage counseling help couples?

  • If toxic relationship patterns can be identified early and agreed upon, the process of real change can begin.
  • A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective and learn new ways to recognize and resolve conflicts as a result of the tools provided by the therapist.
  • Partners can begin to build trust and improve communication that may have eroded the quality of their interactions.
  • A couples counselor can provide “neutral territory” to help couples agree upon and work through tough issues with support.
  • Couples can decide to rebuild their marriage and make a renewed commitment or clarify the reasons why they need to separate or end the marriage.