Everyone would like affection, support and friendship for a lifetime. But we need a little (or a lot) assistance sometimes. Dr Sue Johnson, a couples specialist in emotionally function therapy (EFT), took the latest insights from the neuroscience of love, commitment and social commitment to help us build, nurture and preserve our most valuable relationships. EFT is a modern way to understand relationships between adults based on theory of attachment.

Her book, Hold Me Tight, goes through seven conversations which capture the crucial moments in a love relationship and explains how such experiences can be cultivated to create a healthy and lasting connection. The EFT lessons come alive with case histories and exercises in every conversation. This approach has had unprecedented success in improving the ties and strengthening of bonds between separate spouses. The APA (American Psychological Association) supports this approach because of its effectiveness. Here are the seven transforming conversations that can benefit distressed couples.

Seven Transforming Conversations:

  1. Recognizing Demon Dialogues—Couples recognize their negative and destructive comments in their first conversation to get to the root of the issue and find out what each other is truly saying.
  2. Finding the Raw Spots—To figure out what are the raw points in the relationship, each partner needs to look past instant, reactive responses.
  3. Revisiting a Rocky Moment—This talk is a means for reducing tensions and rifts in a relationship to create emotional security.
  4. Hold Me Tight—This conversation is the core of the program. Partners learn to be more accessible, emotional and deeply committed with each other.
  5. Forgiving Injuries—Wounds can be forgiven but never disappear. Rather, they must be part of the interactions of partners to renew the connection. Couples can improve their relationship by learning how to find and offer forgiveness.
  6. Bonding Through Sex and Touch— Couples discover here how emotional connection creates great sex and good sex generates deeper emotional ties.
  7. Keeping Your Love Alive—The last discussion is based on the awareness that love is a cycle of ever-changing emotional connection. This requires partners to be conscious of keeping the connection alive together.

This program is based on the approach that help foster a better, loving connection to cut through the negative cycles leading to pain, frustration and eventually breakdown and recognize the feelings behind the reactions that lead to this cycle. Going through this program can enhance confidence, intimacy and trustworthiness. Ultimately, this program can help couples forgive each other for emotional wounds that interfere with confidence and confidence. An EFT-certified therapist can help with using this approach to improve a couple’s relationship.