Colorado relationship and marriage counseling

Handling the crisis of a spouse’s affair and the resulting divorce can be overwhelming. During this crisis, your actions can greatly affect you, your children and the family. One of the most difficult areas to navigate is what to tell the children when they ask why you are divorcing. I suggest you consider the following questions:

  1. Will telling them about your spouse’s affair help address their concerns about your divorce?


    Your children will be worried about what will happen to them during and after the divorce. Ask yourself how knowing about the affair will be helpful to them during this adjustment? Most children don’t want to know anything about their parents’ sex life even when things are going well.
  2. How will telling them affect their relationships with the other parent?


    Your children need to feel that their relationship with both their parents is secure. Telling them about the affair will cause conflicting loyalties towards the other parent. They could experience another loss and high levels of confusion and stress.
  3. Are you telling them for your benefit or for their benefit?


    It is important for you to explore your feelings of anger and hurt and the motivation for wanting to tell your kids. There may be other ways for you to get support for the pain and suffering you are experiencing during this time. You may feel it is not fair that the kids get to love and enjoy your spouse even though he or she hurt you so much. You may really want to hurt your spouse and see them suffer some consequences. However, if you focus on what is best for your children, you may be able to separate your feelings towards your spouse and let the kids have their relationship with their parent.
  4. What do you want your kids to remember about the divorce?


    Your kids will be as strong as their parents’ ability to handle their emotions during and after the divorce. Protecting them from unnecessary information will help them focus on their own needs. You must take good care of yourself during this time. Let the generous part of you guide you and seek the help and support you need at this time. You want to look back on your actions during the divorce with pride.

Knowing my children’s unique characters and needs, what will be best for them to know and not know? Focusing on their best interests and what they need in order to keep feeling loved and secure with both of you should guide your decision about what to tell them. It is best to discuss a Divorce Story with your spouse ahead of time, and talk to the kids about the “why” in a non-blaming way.

After you consider these topics, consult with a professional specializing in divorce to help you be clear and concise before you talk to your children.

You may ask “Can my marriage be saved?” or “Should stay married?” While these are complicated questions, Marriage counseling is hard work and there are no guarantees. However, spending the time to find out if your marriage can be improved is a smart decision.

Truth be told, the effectiveness of marriage counseling is directly related to the motivation level of both partners and timing. For some couples, marriage counseling is really divorce counseling because they’ve already thrown in the towel. For instance, one or both partners may have already decided to end the marriage and he/she uses the counseling as a way to announce this to their partner. Sometimes, the problems in a marriage can be too ingrained and longstanding for the counseling to be effective. For others, they don’t honestly share their concerns with the therapist.

Timing is an essential element in whether marriage counseling works. Unfortunately, most couples wait much too long to reach out for help repairing their marriage. According to relationship and marriage expert Dr. John Gottman, couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help. Think about this statistic for a few minutes. Couples have six years to build up resentment before they begin the important work of learning to resolve differences in effective ways.

It’s critical that couples see conflict as an inevitable part of a committed, romantic relationship. After all, every relationship has its ups and downs, and conflict goes with the territory. Yet couples might avoid conflict because it may have signified the end of their parents’ marriage or led to bitter disputes. Michele Weiner Davis, author of The Divorce Remedy explains that avoiding conflict backfires in intimate relationships. She posits that bottling up negative thoughts and feelings doesn’t give your partner a chance to change their behavior. On the other hand, Weiner cautions that one of the secrets of a good marriage or romantic relationship is learning to choose battles wisely and to distinguish between petty issues and important ones.

Here are a few tips that can help you find your answers.

7 tips to help deal with differences between you and your partner:

  • Create a relaxed atmosphere and spend time with your partner on a regular basis so you can communicate about your desires and objectives.
  • Don’t give up personal goals and the things you love to do such as hobbies or interests. This will only breed resentment.
  • Support one another’s passions. Accept that you won’t always share the same interests. Respect your partner’s need for space if they want to go on a vacation without you, etc.
  • Learn to resolve conflicts skillfully. Don’t put aside resentments that can destroy a relationship. Couples who try to avoid conflict are at risk of developing stagnant relationships, which can put them at high risk for divorce.
  • Establish an open-ended dialogue. Listen to your partner’s requests and ask for clarification on points that are unclear. Avoid threats and saying things you’ll regret later.
  • Avoid the “blame game.” Take responsibility for your part in the problems and accept that all human beings are flawed in some way. The next time you feel upset with your partner, check out what’s going on inside yourself and pause and reflect before you place the blame on them.
  • Be realistic about a timeline for change. It takes more than a few sessions to shed light on the dynamics and to begin the process of change.

How can marriage counseling help couples?

  • If toxic relationship patterns can be identified early and agreed upon, the process of real change can begin.
  • A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective and learn new ways to recognize and resolve conflicts as a result of the tools provided by the therapist.
  • Partners can begin to build trust and improve communication that may have eroded the quality of their interactions.
  • A couples counselor can provide “neutral territory” to help couples agree upon and work through tough issues with support.
  • Couples can decide to rebuild their marriage and make a renewed commitment or clarify the reasons why they need to separate or end the marriage.

parker colorado counseling

A short story about a little girl in elementary school. She sat in the middle row quietly looking down at her desk as the rest of the class engaged in a board exercise being presented by the teacher.  This little girl was not disruptive at all but rather quietly moving her pencil back and forth across a blank sheet of notebook paper.  The children around her were completely non-reactive to her disengagement and continued to focus on the teacher.  After several minutes went by, the teacher noticed the little girl and called on her to participate.  The little girl was quietly unresponsive, so the teacher moved on to a different student.

All too often little girls and boys like the one in this example are overlooked as a possibility for needing mental health services.  Why?  They are not a “behavior problem”.  These children often dissolve into the background while their more vocal counterparts get their needs met through negative and positive behaviors.   I like to call them “the silent ones”.

There’s an old saying that states “closed mouths don’t get fed”.  I think this has become a cultural and societal norm.  “The silent ones” do not present an overt concern and do not hinder the overall function of a classroom.   They may, however, be experiencing something significantly internally painful or have a past or current trauma.  They may not speak the class language well enough to engage or they simply may be shy and introverted.

As teachers, parents and mental health professionals, we must work together to determine the immediate needs of “the silent ones”.  The following are some easy steps to supporting “the silent ones”:

  • Identify – Determine who “the silent ones” are.  This is best done by teachers.  If there is a classroom full of disruptive behavior, it may be a little difficult to differentiate between the quiet, well-behaved child and the unusually quiet child who may need help. However, with time and persistence, it is possible.
  • Assess – Once the student has been identified, the teacher is encouraged to talk to the student individually in order to gather information on the child and try to gain some insight as to why the child is frequently disengaged and silent.
  • Refer – Once the teacher has gathered information, a meeting with the parents and the school counselor is helpful in developing a plan which may include a referral to mental health services.

Sometimes when we focus on the children who we perceive as giving us a hard time, we overlook the children who are having a hard time.  Don’t forget “the silent ones”.

When a relationship is already broken, marriage counseling often becomes divorce counseling.

Not every counselor is devoted to saving every marriage. And really, this is how it should be. Couples with recurring infidelity or abuse may truly be better off apart.

Counselors don’t have magic powers. Their purpose is to help you understand and accept what’s happening in your life.

A counselor is tasked with understanding what is best for the couple. If they believe divorce is actually a healthier choice than reconciliation, they will give you the tools to divorce peacefully.

Long story short…

If your wife doesn’t want to do marriage counseling, or if she’s only going because you’re forcing her to, then you may as well save your money. In this case, counseling will either be used to validate your wife’s decision to leave, or to make you spend more time “working on” the problems that have no real solution.

Here are a few things you can try, to make your marriage better:

  • Compliment your spouse daily
  • Buy them their favorite drink (Starbucks, tea, a bottle of wine)
  • Reach for their hand when watching TV
  • Talk about the little things
  • Don’t keep secrets
  • Initiate sex
  • Apologize when you’re wrong
  • Take a walk hand in hand
  • Go to bed together
  • Start committing to the 60 Second Blessing
  • Send flirty texts and emails throughout the day
  • Appreciate all that your spouse does
  • Give more and expect less
  • Simplify your life so you have more time for connection
  • Schedule date nights regularly
  • Ask for what you want and need (your spouse isn’t mind reader)
  • Stay healthy and try to look your best
  • Remove the television from your bedroom
  • Create shared goals
  • Volunteer together
  • Offer to help with the daily chores
  • Make forgiveness part of your marriage strategy
  • Give grace freely
  • Listen with empathy
  • Talk a little less and listen more
  • Turn off your phone
  • Go on a weekend getaway just you two
  • Plan and stick to a budget
  • Remember that you’re on the same team
  • Always kiss goodnight
  • Be the first to say SORRY
  • Be quick to defend your spouse’s honor
  • Write a love letter
  • Sleep naked
  • Be willing to have tough conversations
  • Don’t give up
  • Choose to love even when you don’t feel like it
  • Make honesty your best policy
  • Ask for a redo
  • Eat dinner together
  • Always discuss major purchases before making them
  • Remove the word “DIVORCE” from your vocabulary
  • Say NO to something so you can say YES to your marriage
  • Dream together
  • Learn something new together
  • Respect your spouse’s opinion
  • Be vulnerable

In the best of intimate relationships, there are those subtle and not so subtle waves of difficulties. Some disagreements make sense; his words against hers, her values in the face of his values, old traditions vs. new ideas and so on. However, over a few years living with a partner, attempting and working on intimacy, you could see a few patterns emerging. Those patterns might be complicated for you to detect when you are a part of the ‘drama’.

For me, after thirty years of marriage-therapy and relationship-coaching, I find them simple to detect. Solving relationships’ problems take commitment, education and good will. From here the solutions are pretty much straightforward.

Some of these patterns are signs of troubled relationships. Here is the list of the seven most damaging intimate relationships’ troubles and their solutions:

  1. Inability to be emotionally open; the uniqueness and secret of intimate relationships in comparison to other social, workplace and family relationships is in staying emotionally open. By exercising daily confiding with each other, couples learn to become emotionally open towards each other.
  2. Lack of physical closeness and sings of affection may starve the relationship. It is not easy to undo the pain, shame and hurts of the past. Learn to be affectionate. Do it for the sake of this relationship.
  3. Not paying attention while listening: you might be listening to each other, even giving the right cues as in ‘active listening’. But do you get the meaning of each other’s message without the attempt to ‘solve’ the problem? Don’t solve each others’ problems. Share the gift of listening. Being heard is a treasure!
  4. Difficulty articulating what you feel; many adults don’t know to express what they feel. Instead, you communicate what you think. Learning about emotions and their logic is valuable to every intimate relationship. Taking a risk to expose your accurate feelings in your relationship is a wise investment. As the relationship grows and thrives, that risk of exposure becomes safe.
  5. Anger, fear, shame and other pains block the passages to feel tenderness, joy and love. Those painful emotions are not bad; they are information that should be shared so that your love will surface again.
  6. Power struggles on sex, money, children, free time, relatives or friends are all signs of other issues surfacing in the relationships. Learn to decode these symptoms and see the meaning beneath the issues.
  7. Contempt and its expressions are the ‘deadliest sin’ of all troubled relationships. This will take a bit longer to solve; I suggest treating this symptom deeper as in a ‘root canal’. Find the roots of those feelings of contempt or they’ll destroy your intimate relationship. It is challenging to get your intimate relationship out of trouble. The effort is worth it; as your intimate relationship is the most important investment of your time energy and endeavor.

How would you like to improve, strengthen or even save, in some cases, your intimate relationship? Please contact Counseling Services of Parker if you’re in the Colorado region and would like to talk.

There has been considerable research that has helped psychologists to identify specific factors that can help people lead happier lives.  This same research has also identified some common mistakes that people make when they pursue things they think will make them happy, but don’t.

The following is a list curated from leading psychologists and counselors of the “Top Ten Tips for Happiness”, we hope these suggestions will help you find more happiness in your own life.

1.  Make working on having good social relationships a TOP priority.

Most people find it easy to understand that they must work hard at their jobs, but they don’t always realize that this kind of thinking should apply every bit as much to their relationships.

Having good relationships is incredibly important for happiness. Virtually every psychologist who studies happiness has found very powerful effects of social relationships on happiness. Strong social relationships – in marriage (or other romantic relationships), friendship, family relationships – all positively affect physical and mental health, happiness, and mood. People often prioritize making more money at the expense of neglecting their relationships. This is a common mistake – and a big one.

2.  Focus on attaining a sense of accomplishment and meaning in your life and maintain it on a continual basis.

It is essential that you find a sense of accomplishment and meaning in your life. This can be through your work, but it doesn’t have to be. As quoted in a recent New York Times article: “What’s crucial to well-being is not how cheerful you feel, not how much money you make, but rather the meaning you find in life and your sense of “earned success” – the belief that you have created value in your life or others’ lives.”

This sense of meaning could very well be from your job. If you view your career as a “calling,” you are fortunate. But it is important to acquire this sense of meaningful accomplishment from somewhere in your life, and on a regular basis.

3.  Take Risks.

The word for “risk” in Chinese is made up of two words, “danger” and “opportunity.” Simple, elegant, brilliant composition. There is usually no opportunity without accompanying danger. The danger may be economic, or it may be purely psychological. To try to do something different, and better, invites the danger of failing, and this may feel like a humiliation.

It is the same with making changes in yourself via psychotherapy. To try to break self-defeating patterns can be uncomfortable, as one ventures out into the unfamiliar and the unknown. The safest position is lying on the floor. You can’t get hurt that way. The only problem with that is, well…you are lying on the floor. You’re not going anywhere. Go somewhere. Take a risk.

4.  Diversify your sources of self-esteem.

Many people make the mistake of investing too much of their sense of self-worth in one particular thing (“I am worthwhile because I am great athlete,” “I am worthwhile because I make a lot of money,” “I am an expert on fine wines”, etc.). This invites psychological disaster, because things can change, and your self-esteem can come tumbling down like a house of cards. Realize you are complex, with many different strengths (and weaknesses). Recognize your various individual strengths, develop them, and use them.

But even more important is to internalize your self-esteem as much as possible. In other words, be wary of tying your self-esteem too much to an externally-based factor (money, a fancy car, etc.) because you can lose it (i.e., you may be laid off from a high-paying job). But an internalized sense of self-esteem – qualities you like about yourself, such as your personality and character traits – is something that no one can take away from you, except yourself.

5.  Work on Goals, not Circumstances.

Happiness is a process, and not just a set of good circumstances. This may sound basic, but how often do we think we would be happy if ”I only had that, or this, in my life? If a person hopes to win a certain award, working for the award had better be enjoyable, because the award itself will produce only a short burst of happiness. In contrast, activities and striving for our goals is a lifetime endeavor.

Focus and find fulfillment in working on your personal goals, not in the attainment of any one particular thing.

6.  Develop a wiser relationship with money than most Americans have.

Research on the relationship between money and happiness is substantial and clear. More money yields significantly more happiness only when one is struggling to pay bills and is saddled with major money worries. Once a person attains enough money to not have to greatly struggle anymore, more money yields almost no greater happiness compared to relationships, personal meaning, and many other parts of life.

People think that doubling or tripling their income will bring great benefit to their levels of happiness. They are wrong. All that happens is that people adapt to their new income and soon find themselves wanting more and more. There is even a name for this phenomenon, the “hedonic treadmill.”

Love, satisfaction from work, and meaning yield much longer lasting gains in happiness.

7.  Become curious about yourself.

Introspection is often neglected or even looked down upon in our culture (“naval gazing”). While self-absorption is not a good thing, curiosity about oneself certainly is. If we can identify our self-defeating patterns, and our motivations for getting into these self-defeating patterns, we can navigate our life onto a better course.

Knowledge is power, and self-knowledge yields the most important power of all. By becoming curious about ourselves, and honing our ability to examine ourselves productively, we can greatly facilitate our well-being in terms of our ability to work and to love.

8.  Keep anxiety and depression at bay.

Related to #7, although distinct from it, is the importance of minimizing the disruptive and wasteful presence of unnecessary anxiety and depressive feelings. Healthy worry and sadness is one thing, and can be enormously useful. Obsessive, repetitive worries and paralyzing anxiety can block our ability to move forward and attain our personal goals, whether in our careers or in our relationships.

Recognizing, addressing, and removing these obstacles, whether by oneself or with a psychologist, is necessary if we are to more fully enjoy our lives.

9.  Make a conscious effort to avoid the trap of “Reference Anxiety.”

“Reference Anxiety” is one of the greatest threats to the happiness and emotional well-being of all Americans, and indeed all humanity. Despite this, most people fail to make an on-going conscious effort to recognize and minimize its painful effects. Strive to push anxiety back and refuse to let it run your life.

Reference anxiety is the process by which people compare what they have, materialistically, with their peers. It is a more scientific term for what has been called for a long time “Keeping up with the Joneses.”

If you have a four bedroom house, but everyone else in your neighborhood has a five bedroom house, you feel unhappy. However, if you have a three bedroom house (actually one less bedroom), you will tend to feel happier if you live in a neighborhood where your neighbors have two bedroom houses, because you have more, relatively speaking (vs. in an absolute sense of actual number of bedrooms).

It isn’t that you are actually uncomfortable with the number of bedrooms (or any materialistic possessions, for that matter). It’s that you feel you are not doing as well and have less – and perhaps feel you are less as a person – because your peers have more.

What people don’t realize is that there is often a hidden cost to having the bigger house or expensive car (not always, but often). From my own practice, consider the case of a patient who worked very long hours in a corporate job which he disliked intensely. He had a two-hour commute to work (long commutes have been found to be associated with decreased happiness), hated his time at the office, and had very little free time in his life. But he felt that unless he had a big, fancy house, he would not see himself as a “winner.” He could not be happy with himself knowing that others, to which he compared himself, had more. Despite all of his hard work, he did not fully realize that in terms of happiness, he would always have less than other people.

By the way, this patient eventually dropped out of psychotherapy. Why, you ask? Because he had “no time for therapy.” He had to work long hours, you see. Reference Anxiety was ruining his life, and he couldn’t get off the merry go-round.

10.  Be Afraid. But do things anyway.

Throughout the day in my work, I listen to people tell me how they would like things in their life to be different, but they are terrified of all the dangers associated with making significant changes. It is often not enough to tell ourselves that we should change, or to have someone else tell us that. We usually know that already. What we often lack is courage.

For example, you may be afraid to pursue a personal goal because you may try and fail. If you fail, you may experience it as a confirmation that you are “a failure.” This is one reason why many people don’t make changes, even when they know they should. They can hide behind the fact that since they didn’t try, they can’t conclude they have confirmation that they failed and, hence, that they aren’t “good enough.”

Similarly, the fear of rejection can be paralyzing, and it prevents people from trying to make any changes. The fear of the unfamiliar and the unknown can keep people in unhealthy and counterproductive patterns. But staying in the familiar, even if counterproductive, provides you with a map of how to live (“the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.”). It is safe, even if it is unhealthy and is a map to nowhere. It is not anxiety-producing. To step out into the unfamiliar, sometimes with the possibility of rejection or failure, or a thousand other unknown dangers, is scary. One can often feel anxious.

The tip here is not to say “I won’t be scared.” Of course you may be scared. The point here is to be afraid and do it anyway. In order to do that, you must tap into your courage. It has been said that courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is being afraid and doing things anyway.

You may be able to make sufficient changes by yourself. Sometimes, however, people need another person, often a trained professional, who understands their anxieties and fears, but who also is invested in helping them attain their personal goals. Talk toa licensed professional if you want help tapping into your courage. They can “encourage” you, and help you make the changes you need to make in order to become a happier person.

We hope you found this helpful. Have a happy day!

One reason why couples sometimes seek relationship counseling is because each member of the couple feels like they aren’t truly loved. For instance, a woman might be frustrated that her husband doesn’t hug her and brush against her arms as they cook together, while her partner might wish that she would be more verbally positive about his contributions around the house and at work.

Marriage counseling has often revealed that couples sometimes are each trying to express love to each other, but they are missing each other’s signals. It is as if they are speaking different languages. Gary Chapman, in his award-winning book The Five Love Languages, identified that there are at least five ways that people express and receive love:

  • Words of Affirmation – Telling someone they look great or that they have done an amazing job. It can also involve just reminding them out loud how much you care. 
  • Acts of Service – Taking out the trash, putting the kids to bed, or making plans for the weekend can all be ways to serve each other. These things involve doing something that neither of you want to do in order to show how much your partner matters to you.
  • Receiving Gifts – Physical items with a lot of thought behind them can be the way to convey affection: even things like a flower you saw and picked in the garden can be really special to someone with this love language.
  • Quality Time – Putting down that cell phone and having a conversation or doing an activity together that doesn’t have either of you distracted is a good example for quality time. Sometimes nothing has to be happening, but good company is still valuable to someone with this language.
  • Physical Touch – While many people immediately think of sex, which can definitely be a part of this language, it can also include everything from holding hands to hugging. 

When seeking to improve a marriage, it makes sense to learn your partner’s top languages, not only which ones make you feel most loved or which one you tend to use to communicate.

If, for instance, you love your alone time but your partner needs quality time to feel loved, these languages give you a good reason to set aside special time for dates and speaking to each other one-on-one.

Working to convey how much you care in the way your partner most understands can put you on a path to relationship success. Want more information on making your marriage the best it can be? Contact us today.

Parker Colorado Relationship and marriage counseling

Whether you’ve been having relationship issues or have merely been too busy to spend much time together, most couples find themselves feeling disconnected at some point. This feeling of disconnection may feel like it’s a sign of major trouble, but it doesn’t have to be. There are some simple and effective ways that you can reconnect with your partner. Read on to learn seven ways to feel closer to your partner quickly. 

Take Care of Yourself

It might seem counterintuitive at first. But taking care of yourself is one of the most effective ways to reconnect with your partner because it encourages you to find happiness within yourself first. By finding your own satisfaction, you ease any pressure on the relationship, or your partner, to provide that for you. This makes it easier for you to simply enjoy spending time together with no expectations. 

Taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be an expensive or time-consuming thing, either. It can be as simple as doing something like laughing out loud

Keep Communication Open

It’s easy to fall into a routine of talking about superficial things, especially if there are problems in the relationship. It feels easier and safer to limit conversation to things like what’s for dinner or how their workday was. 

Take a few minutes each day to have a deeper, more intimate discussion with your partner. Ask about their hopes and dreams, goals for the future, or other topics that are more personal. 

If you need to discuss a difficult topic, do so. Just remember to be kind and fight fair

Look for Small Things

When a couple is having problems, it becomes all too easy to focus on the problems rather than the good things. The issues can become so large that they seem to swallow up the good. Relationship counseling may be required to truly solve the problems, but you can still do something right now to feel a connection to your partner. 

Look for active, small ways to improve your relationship today. 

Use Humor and Laughter

When life is stressful, it’s easy to let the tension build without relief. Whether it’s work, home, or something else, find ways to use humor and laughter to ease tension for each of you personally and the relationship as a whole. 

Watch a sitcom together, or share a joke you see on social media. It doesn’t have to be a huge gut buster, just a laugh that the two of you share. 

Send a Random Loving Text

It doesn’t have to be every day, nor should it be multiple times a day. But every now and then, when you think of your partner while you’re apart, shoot a quick text to let them know. 

It can be as simple as “Thinking of you. Love you!” or as deep as “I appreciate that you …” The point is to let your partner know that you’re thinking of them in a good way and open up some communication. 

Schedule Regular Date Nights

It might feel great to get out of the house and do something outside your routine. It might feel awkward. But regular (at least bi-monthly) date nights are a great way to reconnect with your partner. It allows time to focus on just the two of you. It gets you out of the routine of daily life that has left you feeling disconnected in the first place. 

Do something fun and unusual, not just the typical dinner and movie. Try laser tag, kayaking, or taking salsa dancing lessons together. 

Use the Power of Touch

Sometimes the easiest and simplest way to reconnect with your partner is through a physical connection. Holding hands, an arm around the shoulders or waist, a simple kiss on the top of the head or a brush of the hand across a cheek can all convey love, appreciation, and connection. Particularly in times of stress or difficulty, a simple physical connection can be a powerful way to reestablish your connection. 

Whether you’re having trouble or want to prevent trouble, relationship or marriage counseling can help you resolve or prevent problems before they get out of hand. Contact us today for an appointment and take the first step toward a better relationship.

Anxiety disorder sufferers do not wish to have anxiety. They do not wish to have their lives disrupted or to disrupt the lives of those who love them. There is nothing worse than feeling out of control, knowing you are out of control, and not being able to stop the behavior. Here are five ways you can help your loved ones suffering from anxiety.

  1. Reinforce the fact that suffering from anxiety does not mean your loved one is mentally deficient. Show empathy and support, but not sympathy. They need help, not pity. Encourage them to seek help from a medical professional.
  2. Educate yourself about the links between triggers – thoughts – behaviors and how to reframe anxiety thinking.
  3. Show positive reinforcement of rational behavior rather than criticism of irrational fears, etc. Knowing you are pleased will lead your loved one to want to repeat the rational behavior to keep that good feeling longer.
  4. Maintain your own support system. Having someone you trust to talk to is vital to your continuing ability to give the support your loved one needs.
  5. Spend time with them, as much as possible. Try to do outdoor activities to help them get as much exercise as possible. Let them know it’s okay to talk about their anxiety, you’re there to listen and not to judge.

Your loved one needs to exercise, eat healthy meals and snacks, and get enough sleep. It is very important for their well-being, as well as your own. Don’t forget to take care of yourself while you’re helping them. 

Learning to deal with anxiety and give the best care are full of ups and downs. There is a learning curve you both have to go through before you reach an oasis, but you will get there. Do not give up. These five ways to support your loved one with anxiety seem simple, but they are very important and so are you! We are here to help.

Whether you’ve been having relationship issues or have merely been too busy to spend much time together, most couples find themselves feeling disconnected at some point. This feeling of disconnection may feel like it’s a sign of major trouble, but it doesn’t have to be. There are some simple and effective ways that you can reconnect with your partner. Read on to learn seven ways to feel closer to your partner quickly. 

Take Care of Yourself

It might seem counterintuitive at first. But taking care of yourself is one of the most effective ways to reconnect with your partner because it encourages you to find happiness within yourself first. By finding your own satisfaction, you ease any pressure on the relationship, or your partner, to provide that for you. This makes it easier for you to simply enjoy spending time together with no expectations. 

Taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be an expensive or time-consuming thing, either. It can be as simple as doing something like laughing out loud

Keep Communication Open

It’s easy to fall into a routine of talking about superficial things, especially if there are problems in the relationship. It feels easier and safer to limit conversation to things like what’s for dinner or how their workday was. 

Take a few minutes each day to have a deeper, more intimate discussion with your partner. Ask about their hopes and dreams, goals for the future, or other topics that are more personal. 

If you need to discuss a difficult topic, do so. Just remember to be kind and fight fair

Look for Small Things

When a couple is having problems, it becomes all too easy to focus on the problems rather than the good things. The issues can become so large that they seem to swallow up the good. Relationship counseling may be required to truly solve the problems, but you can still do something right now to feel a connection to your partner. 

Look for active, small ways to improve your relationship today. 

Use Humor and Laughter

When life is stressful, it’s easy to let the tension build without relief. Whether it’s work, home, or something else, find ways to use humor and laughter to ease tension for each of you personally and the relationship as a whole. 

Watch a sitcom together, or share a joke you see on social media. It doesn’t have to be a huge gut buster, just a laugh that the two of you share. 

Send a Random Loving Text

It doesn’t have to be every day, nor should it be multiple times a day. But every now and then, when you think of your partner while you’re apart, shoot a quick text to let them know. 

It can be as simple as “Thinking of you. Love you!” or as deep as “I appreciate that you …” The point is to let your partner know that you’re thinking of them in a good way and open up some communication. 

Schedule Regular Date Nights

It might feel great to get out of the house and do something outside your routine. It might feel awkward. But regular (at least bi-monthly) date nights are a great way to reconnect with your partner. It allows time to focus on just the two of you. It gets you out of the routine of daily life that has left you feeling disconnected in the first place. 

Do something fun and unusual, not just the typical dinner and movie. Try laser tag, kayaking, or taking salsa dancing lessons together. 

Use the Power of Touch

Sometimes the easiest and simplest way to reconnect with your partner is through a physical connection. Holding hands, an arm around the shoulders or waist, a simple kiss on the top of the head or a brush of the hand across a cheek can all convey love, appreciation, and connection. Particularly in times of stress or difficulty, a simple physical connection can be a powerful way to reestablish your connection. 

Whether you’re having trouble or want to prevent trouble, relationship or marriage counseling can help you resolve or prevent problems before they get out of hand. Contact us today for an appointment and take the first step toward a better relationship.